#114 Practical Steps To Win-Win Relationships With Women No Matter What You Want With Geoffrey Miller

Basically what happens is a bunch of grad students in the sixties are trained in behaviorism, but then A, they learn about computers, and B, they do psychedelics, and they get very interested in how the mind actually works internally. And people like William McDougal and William James at Harvard were quite inspired by Darwin. They thought a lot about instincts and the origins and functions of human, mental faculties as they called them, and how cognition and motivation and, and volition and our goals are influenced by evolution. I took a lot of courses in the East Asian Studies Department, Chinese history, Japanese art, et cetera, just because I was interested in it.

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I don’t know how much faith can be placed on evolutionary psychology research, for the whole “how to get women, backed by SCIENCE!” part of the pitch, but as with many psychology things, it feels plausible and logical enough. The social psychology is probably the italianosingles.com most on target, with more sophisticated than usual discussion of signaling and jives with how I feel people operate in real life, anyway. The #1 bestselling pioneer of “fratire” and a leading evolutionary psychologist team up to create the dating book for guys.

If social intelligence in a general sense was crucial to survival and reproduction among these relatively big-brained primates like proto-chimps, then sexual choice has a powerful incentive to look for evidence of social intelligence when choosing a mate. Let’s take one rather provocative piece of research. There’s some evidence from behavior genetics now, some evidence, not a lot, but a little bit, that happiness itself is somewhat inheritable. If you’re extremely reactionary and conservative you could say Ah! See, we can’t do anything for people, they’ll just be happy or not as they see fit; there’s no point in trying to improve people’s lives.

AI alignment research can give the illusion that, oh, very smart people are working on AI safety, and they will solve it by the time we get really powerful, dangerous ai. And I think, that’s actually not likely to happen and we won’t solve alignment. And you know, if you combine that with having really good state-of-the-art adaptive IQ testing, then maybe people don’t really know, need to go to college as much. They weren’t really ready for it, but they were quite interested in understanding where the, where the science and the technology are. Or you end up with dating apps like Tinder, which are just incredibly superficial and basically all about how you look in photographs and that don’t actually involve any psychological matching.

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So, it would’ve been quite handicapping, you know, to be a psychology professor anywhere other than New York, Boston, or maybe the Bay Area, until quite recently. But now it doesn’t really matter where you are physically. I was smart, but I was not the smartest kid in my class. My best friend was actually the valedictorian and probably at least five or 10 IQ points smarter than me. I think it’s really important for smart kids to go to highly competitive schools so that they get the humility to know, yeah, I’m not the smartest kid in the room. A. It’s important to distinguish between the mental traits that I think really are handicaps from those that aren’t.

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Not to lie to yourself about what traits do I really offer to a woman? Are my mating goals aligned with what a woman actually wants? If you’re really looking for a one-night-stand and a woman really isn’t, that’s a fundamental conflict of interest and it’s really hard to work around without somebody being exploited and disappointed and it hurting. They feel shitty about themselves afterwards at some level, most guys. Right off the bat, the book clarifies what the book is and what it isn’t. It’s NOT a dating book giving random quick-fix advice.

And even if it’s only, you know, a few dozen or a few hundred, a thousand young men, we’ve helped, that’s still, I think it’s a win. So, I was just really amazed when I saw videos of these PUA guys at work. I think for a while there was even a TV show that actually had wired up a bar in Los Angeles and was just watching maybe this guy mystery or magic or whatever his name is, at work.

And Tucker was like, they’re not advice books. They’re all the mistakes I made of getting drunk and having stupid hookups and taking dumb risks. We should get together and we should write a book of dating advice for young, single straight guys.

Before I get started I should state that I’ve been a tucker max fan since I was in high school . We skipped school one day to go down to University of Maryland to have our copies of “I hope they serve beer in hell” signed. It was awesome; tucker looked hungover and miserable, my young life was complete. I’ve also been listening to the podcast “Helping Joe” since the first episode. I am now 27 and was ecstatic to learn about a new podcast featuring my drunken childhood hero, Tucker Max. I was astonished by the fact that women don’t feel secured at any place especially bars, clubs, and parties.

Last year, I spent some time in Malaga and I had to quit dating because, there’s not very many people in Malaga and I wasn’t able to see anyone. So, there’s a few situations in my life although it may sound pretty extreme in terms of uprooting your life. I think it is really relevant to a lot of guys. Second, being honest with yourself about your sexual goals and priorities and ethics and your mating strategies.

However, if you look at the actual numbers of psychology faculty, there’s probably less than 500 evolutionary psychologists worldwide actively doing research, versus there’s probably 20,000. Social psychologists and something like 40 to 50,000, neuroscientists in psych departments. So, psych is a tiny, tiny, tiny field with kind of outsized impact, especially in terms of public thinking.